Today we hear the tale of Christmas Chunderbaby and his quest for the magic Oasis of Death.
Christmas Chunderbaby is a few weeks old, but because he is magic he can already walk and make calculated decisions for himself.
Christmas Chunderbaby is in search of the magical Oasis of Death, in the hope that drinking from it will give the imbiber eternal life, despite its name. He has with him but a solitary sledge, that trails devotedly in his wake, upon which sits an enormous, pulsating pile of glistening purple flesh – for Chunderbaby’s liver and spleen are simply too large to carry around within his delicate frame.
On the way through the desert to the Oasis, Christmas Chunderbaby stops for a moment, as he feels the need to cough violently, after which he is compelled to perform his characteristic party-trick of projectile vomiting green and red streamers all over the sand.
As he vomits, he notices his belly beginning to swell, and becoming ever so painful to touch. He believes it is just a need to go to the toilet, and so he poops on the floor, surprised by the fact that it, too is bright red.
Finally he has a seizure as his head begins to swell up and he perishes, just moments from reaching the thirst-quenching Oasis.
Red Flag features of vomiting in a child
- Bile stained vomit
- intestinal obstruction
- peptic ulcer, oesophagitis, oral/nasal bleeding
- Projectile vomiting in first few weeks of life
- pyloric stenosis
- Vomiting after coughing
- pertussis (whooping cough)
- surgical abdomen
- chronic liver disease
- Blood in the stool
- intussusception, gastroenteritis
- severe gastroenteritis, systemic infection, DKA
- Bulging fontanelle/seizures
- raised intracranial pressure
- Failure to thrive
- GORD, coeliac disease, chronic gastrointestinal condition