Steve can’t have NSAIDs. Poor Steve. Steve needs to take something else. Anything but NSAIDS. And here’s why:

Steve has a hurty, and was told to take a painkiller to make his hurty go away.

diagnosis ‘hurty’

Unfortunately for Steve, the painkiller he decided to take was an evil non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug, which didn’t agree with him.

The NSAID made Steve’s stomach give up all hope and bleed catastrophically, resulting in quite a mess.

It totally ruined the Nativity

All of this blood loss made his kidneys and liver give up hope too, and he watched in vain as they left to search for a sunnier place to live.

This made Steve really angry, and despite his frankly incredible blood loss and dehydration, his blood pressure still managed to go so high that his heart gave up and fell out as well.

At this point, Steve thought an aspirin might help. In fact, it just sparked off his asthma and his lungs fell off too.

Ok this is just stupid now

He then had a banana. Bananas have potassium. Steve also likes bananas.

Yeah, that’ll definitely make up for the lack of vital internal organs

Absolute contraindications to NSAIDS:

  • History of sensitivity to NSAIDS
  • History of GI bleeding or ulceration
  • Severe liver dysfunction
  • Renal impairment
  • Aspirin-induced asthma
  • Uncontrolled hypertension
  • Cardiac failure
  • Dehydration
  • Hypovolaemia
  • Hyperkalaemia

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